Self-Sabotage: Not Going Anywhere?

How often do you think about something you really want? When the desire to be different surges through your body, you think THIS! Solves. Everything. You’d be so happy if only . . .

But then you remember why it’s a wish instead of a reality. It’s too hard. Too many factors are not in your control. You’re not ready. Maybe after you figure out/get over/pay off/check with/think about . . .

Sometimes the clouds clear. There’s an opening. You give CHANGE the old college try. You recite the mantras. Practice new affirmations. Tell people to hold you accountable. You get a running start. Maybe even some air.

But you don’t get anywhere. Except busy. Distracted. Overwhelmed. Nothing changes. Or something else changes, which is why you can’t.

11 Signs of Self-Sabotage 

  • Your strategy for change is called “flipping the switch.” You want to start or stop a new habit without dealing with the thoughts and feelings driving your behavior. Monday or BUST!
  • Your success is dependent on other people. You perceive (or allow) your own opinions and needs to be less important than those of your children, partner or other VIPs.
  • You’re too busy “mopping up the water to shut off the faucet.” You’d rather compensate for stress than deal with the source. Because it’s easier?
  • You’re caught in a deny-binge-deny cycle. You restrict calories, sleep, emotional hygiene and other forms of self-care only to lose yourself in a boomerang of uncontrollable urges—to which you respond with negative self-talk and more denial. 
  • You procrastinate “housekeeping” tasks and feel overwhelmed by clutter and disorganization. Lack of plans, routines and systems keep you “running to the store,” “resetting your password,” and “paying for subscriptions you don’t use.” You often show up late, frazzled and less than fully prepared.
  • You’re a proud perfectionist who pooh-poohs incremental improvements, preferring to research and overthink instead of just getting started.
  • Worry doesn’t prompt you to take action. For example, you complain about online security, your kids’ screen time or eating too much fast food. You do nothing about it.
  • You repeat behaviors that don’t work, such as nagging your spouse, skipping meals to cut calories or telling yourself you’ll just have 1-2 drinks.
  • You blame others for triggering your emotional over-reactions. Because they should know you better and also stop doing that.
  • You’re a people-pleaser and approval-seeker, taking on more than you can handle because you’re uncomfortable setting boundaries and saying, “No.”
  • You ponder questions that begin with WHY instead of HOW. Why am I like this? Vs. How do I create a new experience for myself?

Self-sabotage occurs when we believe external circumstances are responsible for our internal state of being–how we think and feel. We’re ashamed because we drink too much. We’re disgusted because we’re overweight. We lack a sense of purpose now that our kids are grown. We’re angry because our partner . . . [fill in the blank]. So we’re stuck in reaction mode—repeating cycles of pity and pain. Regurgitating explanations as to why our problems are bigger than we are.

Stop Self-Sabotage

The answer is simple, and it’s what I help my clients do ALL DAY. I can show you how to identify the subconscious thoughts and habitual behaviors running your show. It’s actually easier to change what’s going on upstream than it is to muster the willpower to resist the flood of downstream consequences.

If you’re bored with self-sabotage and ready to get out of your own way, schedule a coaching consultation with me. It’s a free, one hour call. We’ll discuss where you are, where you want to be, and what you need to make that happen.

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